My oldest son was born on a cold October day. He was the most lovable blond haired baby I had ever seen. We immediately bonded. As the days passed on he wouldn't sleep with out me. I was nursing, so we kept him in bed with us. At night he would turn to nestle his head in my side simultaneously pushing my husband off the bed with his feet. It took six months to move him into the crib. Then one night he found his thumb and finally he was happy to be alone.
From the very beginning he had a lot to say, he made noises constantly. When we put him down on the changing table, he would talk to the air above him as if angels were swirling around him. One night when he was 6 months old I woke up to him crying. When I went to get him from the crib he took my face with both hands and started to jibber jabber as if to say, "I've been crying where have you been?" He would go on to be an early talker, once he started he didn't stop. It was nice to have someone to talk to all day and we talked about everything. I thought he was the smartest baby. I couldn't wait to send him to school.
His toddler years went by pretty uneventfully. Except he had an insatiable desire to do whatever I told him not to. For example...... put his hand on the hot stove, stick things in the electric sockets and touch a cactus. I couldn't take my eyes off him for a second. The only thing that was unusual was when he fell asleep in the car at night if he woke up when we got him home he would be somewhere half way between sleep and awake. When this happened he would just start crying and wouldn't stop. It was terrible because we couldn't put him to sleep or wake him up. We would have to walk around holding and rocking him until he would calm down.
When he was four we signed him up for preschool. He loved going to school each day. His teacher said he was a little silly but that it was manageable. In October he had his birthday. A boy from his class couldn't come. When we would see him each time my son would ask him why he didn't come. The boy was quiet and shy so he never responded. Though I explained it to my son over and over that they were busy that day. He just couldn't understand it. So each time we would see the boy he would ask again. Finally we had to forbid him to ask. The rest of the year went by uneventfully.
At the end of summer we prepared him for kindergarten. About two weeks before school started our school got a giant grant and used it to switch to full day kindergarten. The teachers were taken by surprise and only had two weeks to prepare for the change. They went from having two classes of 18 for 2 1/2 hours each to one class of 22 for 6 hours. It was a big adjustment for everyone. On the first day I got a note. He ran back to the gym equipment after recesses was over. The second day I got a note He was having trouble sitting still all day and he keeps asking for a drink of water. At home we would talk about the notes. Why did you get out of line at recess? "Well the other kids were all on this swing and I really just wanted to try it! It was empty so I ran over to it!" Why are you asking for water all the time? "Well they have a water bubbler in class and the teacher says we can only get a drink when she says we can. If the water bubbler is right there why do we have to ask to get a drink?" These notes came home every other day. My favorite was when He told the gym teacher that someone had already had a turn and the gym teacher responded that he didn't remember, My child responded,"That's okay, you're old, sometimes old people forget things!"
Every week it seem to be something new that the teacher was unhappy about. I was beginning to have a complex. My son spent more time in time out, then out and I was pleading with him each day to just behave and be quiet. The guidance counselor at the beginning of the year said that school could be a hard transition for some and that she was there for the parents also. I decided I would make an appointment. We met a few days later, I brought with me the stack of notes from the teacher. I had at least 30 and it was only December. We talked about all of my concerns and the counsellor decided she would go observe my sons class. In her observation she noted he was a little silly and that he found things a bit funnier then the rest of the class. He also had trouble not shouting out answers. She said it was normal behavior for his age and she would help the teacher with strategies in class. That week I realized my son had picked up reading. In all the hoopla that had surrounded the notes I hadn't noticed he was able to sound out most of the words in our Dr. Seuss books. I brought it up in our conference, Is it normal for children to go from hardly knowing the alphabet to sounding out words in three months? When they realized how quickly he was learning they teamed him with another bright student and the notes decreased substantially.
That summer we moved. First grade was a complete repeat of kindergarten. My son spent more recesses in then out. He had a desk separated from all of the other children and his teacher called every other day. So much so that I began to dread the telephone ringing. If the phone rang today at noon I would still be nervous. I can't speak that teachers name even now. I thought of homeschooling of switching his class. No one else seemed to see what I was seeing. He was bored, he couldn't stop talking and that he would do anything to stop if he could. His report card was all advanced accept for the social skills portion which he failed. The teacher thought he was just misbehaving. His behavior was hard to understand as my husband and I never got in trouble in school. We didn't know what to do. We spent all of our time and energy trying to make him like the other kids. It was like telling a kid who needs glasses that if he tries harder he will be able to see. We made it to the end of the year but our whole family was traumatized.
Second grade was better. The teacher was young and she had better skills to deal with the challenge my son posed to the classroom. He continued to be ahead in all his studies. In conference the teacher would say He can't sit still and he doesn't listen yet he gets A's on every test. We had a reward system going and pretty much we were paying him to sit still. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. This is when I started looking into the causes of my sons behavior. Something wasn't right and no one would listen to me. He was acing all his subjects except the social skills. Talking out, sitting in his seat, staying on task and always speaking when he shouldn't. It was effecting the way he made friends and his self esteem. He was yelled at constantly and the kids were catching on. Sometimes they would say He had done something when he wasn't even there. When I said ADHD, everyone said NO! including my husband. Summer finally came and we all relaxed.
We entered third grade with new hope as he was older and more mature. Yet by October the teacher was sending notes again. She expected more from a third grader. At this point I couldn't take it anymore, I had a second grader, a kindergartner and and a two year old at home. He was different then all of them. When I looked in his eyes I could see his mind racing. He wanted so badly to fit in but he had no control. It took four months to convince my husband to get him tested. On a sunny day that spring we met with a nuerophycologist in Boston. She did one round of testing and then a week later she did a second round of tests. She thought that he was bright and very interesting. About a month later my husband and I returned to get the results. I remember sitting in the office listening to the Dr. telling us about our son and her being the first person ever to see him like I did. She said he was extremely bright but that he had a central processing disorder. Which falls under the umbrella of ADHD. When he receives a lot of information at once he has trouble sifting out what is important and what isn't.
It has been three years since we sat in that office and listened to the Doctor tell us what I already knew about my son. It was worth every penny of the three thousand dollars it cost. My son still has a hard time in school. He still has trouble sitting still, not shouting out answers, keeping quiet and yet he still manages to get mostly A's. Teachers still don't understand him but they have learned to tolerate his short comings. They work with him now instead of against him. He still has bad days but they don't turn into bad years anymore.
What I have learned from my beautiful son. It's hard not to want your kids to be perfect. It's hard not to take it personally when they aren't perfect. ADHD is real! People are judgemental but it's not my business what people think of me or my son. Thanks for patience, go a long way with those who come in contact with my son on a daily basis. I don't have to feel bad that others don't understand my son. He came to me this way and I love him just as he is, which helps me love other peoples children just the way they are. Each day I learn new things from my son, He has helped me be a better more well rounded mom.
